Love is a many splendored thing.

Recently I've been having a lot of internal dialogue on deception. Really it's been truth shedding some light on some pretty ugly things that I have believed such as

" fear comes in the name of being responsible."

" Self-hatred comes in the name of fitness. "

There are ways lies appear to other people, their battles

Food comes into the name of comfort
Sex in the name of satisfaction
Looking together a sense of control
Self pity as a comforter
Work as identity

Are a few that I've heard.

Love. What comes in the name of love? I am on the quest for true love. True good qualities. None of this 'I love you and leave you, I love you but I yell at you sometimes, I love you. I am always kind of mad at you so I'm going to use it to control you.'

Every movie, song, life is ruled by love. Most of our conversations revolve around what we love. Our decisions major and minor, I believe, are motivated by what we love. The things that distress us the most, the things that make our heart feel betrayed ,are where love has gone wrong.


If we can't recognize good solid love and fill ourselves with that then what we fill ourselves with and what is going to come out is never going to be good. Nothing will ever truly satisfy the deepest desires of our hearts.
One thing that I have noticed about my life is when I don't know how to love right in an area I feel afraid. I get afraid of people their thoughts towards me, my thoughts towards them. I feel like I'm grasping at sand and the tighter I try to get control the tighter I hold on it runs away through my fingers.

So my question for God has been - What is real true love? Can you show me what I am believing about it that is wrong? Can you show me what I am believing about your heart that is untrue- since you said I AM love, I need to know, because I think I have some parts wrong.

There is a difference between reading it and experiencing something you thought was it and really KNOWING it from the inside out.


Today when taking some time to be quiet here is what I felt God say to me about how he loves me.

- first I went back to 1 Corinthians 13 and read what it says about the characteristics of love. If I believe that the bible is true then this is a good place to start.

Then I went over different characteristics of love with God.


Patient- I am patient with you. I know what you are dealing with and I've got your hand all the way thru it but I am also standing at the end cheering you on and saying " I am here, I see how it ends, keep going! " I know exactly how long it will take to work thru and I'm not upset about it.

Kind- I am happy with you, looking for ways to be kind to love on you and be kind to you. Your wants are k own to me as much as your needs and I want to be sweet to you.

not proud or self seeking - I know who I am but I am not proud. I seek your good, our good together at all
times.

Right and Truth prevail - I love justice. I love to prevail. I love to come thru, it's my favorite

It endures everything without weakening- there a no weak spots in my love no matter WHAT, it doesn't waver.
High points, low points, doesn't matter.

never fades - as strong as the moment I saved you, every minute.

True affection- I want to show you true affection. What does true love really look like- Holy, joy filled lov.

Holy doesn't mean unhappy or solemn.




The phrase that stuck out the most to me was " as strong as the moment I saved you, every minute" I have such a hard comprehending that type of perfection because I only can only truly see my heart. It makes me think of my wedding day when I said " I do" I meant it, and I felt a great sense of love empowering my words, but do I feel that feeling every moment? I know my love for Jon has grown and deepened over time, but do I feel like a steady faithful triumphant strong loving wife every moment? No.


I remember reading where Peter said to Jesus " Lord where else could we go? Only you have the words of life"

And so this is what I know, my head doesn't always understand it, but my heart says " I know there's is no where else I can go except to continue to pursue the heart of God and let Him teach me on love"


-L